By SHANNON SKAE, health and life coach at Revive with Shan
The following question has been on my mind lately: How can we be our own biggest supporters?
Most people have an inner critic or a little voice in their head that constantly tells them they are “not enough”, that they “shouldn’t have been so stupid”, “that they weigh too much”, or “do not look good today,” among countless others.
These examples are what many would refer to as negative self-talk.
The inner critic can be any talk directed at you that sounds negative or makes you doubt yourself and brings you down. We spend every day with ourselves yet continuously act like a bully.
These negative thoughts create beliefs, which in turn create identity. When we identify as ‘not good enough’, we eventually believe this. Our self-worth and self-esteem become damaged, and we struggle to see ourselves in a positive light.
This can have many negative impacts on health, such as depression and anxiety. It can also impact interpersonal relationships, creating the opportunity for others to take advantage of our low self-esteem, bullying, the possibility of entering emotionally and physically abusive relationships because we do not believe in our self-worth, and the list goes on.
So how do we rewire our thoughts from negative to positive? We use something called reframing.
A wise woman once told me that we could imagine thoughts as trains in a train station. We can choose which trains to get onto and which pass us by. We can also change our destination by choosing a different train. This is the same as thoughts. We can choose which thoughts to listen to, which to let pass, and we can also choose to change the direction of our thoughts.
Reframing is a valuable tool to help change direction when someone has negative thoughts.
For example:
| Negative self-talk | Reframe |
| “I look very big in my outfit today; I don’t like the way I look.” | “I like the clothes I am wearing and enjoy how I feel in this outfit.” |
| “I am still single, which means I will always be alone.” | “I haven’t met the right person yet, and this is an opportunity to work on myself.” |
| “I ate junk food, so now my progress is ruined, and I must eat whatever I want to make myself feel better.”
|
“I had a treat, and it has not ruined my progress; I am still on track. This food was good for the soul.”
|
| “I am a failure because I did not get the job I wanted.” | “The job was not right for me, and there will be other opportunities.”
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If you want help with reframing some of your negative self-thoughts, working towards good habits, or any other health or life issues, you can email me at: revivewithshan@gmail.com
Remember to be kind to yourselves!
