A war has been declared. Granted, that isn't a very interesting statement and it's not like it hasn't happened before, but this time around the enemy might surprise you.
A war has been declared. Granted, that isn't a very interesting statement and it's not like it hasn't happened before, but this time around the enemy might surprise you.
No, it isn't hostility towards the screaming babies that sit behind you on long distance flights. It's not even beef with motorists who wrongfully park in the disabled spot at Pick n Pay. It's a far more passive enemy that I didn't even realise had done anything wrong.
It's the vagina. Apparently this vital component of being female is far too hairy, floppy and altogether the wrong colour.
For years we've all received spam advertising enlargement products for masculine extremities and now it's the woman's turn to feel insecure about the appearance of her reproductive organs.
A vaginal tightening product called '18 Again' has recently been released in India and it claims to make the user feel 'like a virgin' again.
The television advertisement for it looks more like a trailer for a new Bollywood movie, with a sari and sequin speckled dance scene followed by a now, apparently, much happier couple disappearing into the boudoir.
The product was developed by pharmaceutical company Ultratech India Limited and sells for R370 a tube. Ultratech owner Rishi Bhatia says the aim of the cream is to empower women and "works towards building inner confidence and boosting her self esteem". I want to hit him.
Staying with India, another arsenal in the war against lady parts is Clean & Dry Intimate Wash, a product which promises to 'brighten' skin around lady parts.
It might seem like the subcontinent has lost the plot but they're not the only ones bombarding our crotches with chemical warfare. American company IsoSensuals has their own version of 18 Again, and it's called TIGHT. They say it aids us in “Being able to prevent ageing from the inside, making you feel wanted and rejuvenated”.
Another States company, Radiancy, has invented No!No!, a permanent hair removal product that can be used all over your body. All you have to do is pay R2 980 and spend an hour a week (for six weeks) using a stick thing to singe and burn the hair follicle. Apparently it's painless.
A commonly yelled phrase at the annual Rhodes University Sexual Violence = Silence march is 'Stop the war on woman's bodies!'. Looks like they should be picketing outside a pharmacy.
